I’m about to embark on a new season of Mortimer and Whitehouse, Gone Fishing and in 30-odd episodes we have yet to weigh a fish.
This is down to Paul’s passionate desire to get any catch back swiftly and safely, and even serious captures are guesstimated only... I’m particularly thinking Burghley tench and river Mole barbel.
I empathise completely with this approach and for years between 1995 and 2005 I barely put anything on the scales that I had caught either. Like Paul, I wanted to be kind to the fish, but in part I think my stance was a revulsion against the specimen world’s egotism, as I saw it then. It just seemed to me that the pursuit of glory had taken hold and driven out the true virtues of the sport we love. I made some exceptions to myself and anyone who would listen. I realised that venue records were necessary and sometimes scientific researches into a water’s health demanded accuracy.
Today I admit I was being overly doctrinaire in trying to make a point. I personally missed out on some milestones in my 'career', not least a large mahseer 20 years ago whose weight will always be lost in the myths and legends of India.
Actually, I’ve come full circle and actually encourage the recording of significant fish. I’ve just had an email from Chris and Mark, both in their 60s, yet still bubbling with youthful enthusiasm for a 6lb chub and a 10lb barbel respectively. When I take them out later in the year, trying to tick off these bucket list fish will give our time together a real edge and sharpen our commitment to the cause. If success should bless us, the session will be sweeter still. Providing we weigh those fish quickly and safely and minimise stress to its lowest level, I see nothing wrong in any of this now.
So, that done and dusted, it’s an intriguing exercise to think what should be regarded as Everest-type targets here in the east? Here’s my list with comments built on decades of experience and not a little desire to raise eyebrows.
Roach - 2lb, BUT in my book, this really has to be a river fish. I’ll accept there are exceptions but I have seen too many still-water hybrids ever to be wholly sure of a lake roach. I’m aware of many that are 'right', indeed I saw one myself from a north Norfolk lake in February, but I’ll always remain suspicious. Perhaps my real reason is that I cannot help but feel that roach should not be caught on helicopter/bolt rig type tactics. This is my sadly dated traditionalist viewpoint seeping out… but I know many who would agree with me (eh, Mr Cooper?).
Robbie 'The Perch' Northman- with a small fish by his standards (Image: John Bailey)
Perch - 4lb. I would have said 3lb not that long ago but the Broads are on such fire and there are perch maestros like Robbie Northman making such hay of the situation that bars have to be raised. My! What a fish a UK 4lb perch is. Good luck and never have I had one myself, come to that.
Carp - 40lb. I can’t believe I’m writing this; me, with my memories of times when a 20 seemed an impossible dream. But there you go. River roach stocks crash, carp sizes rocket. You win some and lose others. And of course, an UNKNOWN 40, there’s the real pot of gold.
Pike - 30lb. I’m lucky enough to have seen many a still water 30 and I’ll always cherish such a beast, but I guess the real summit of predator achievement is a river 30. I’ve never caught one, never even witnessed one - so good luck indeed.
Crucian carp - 2lb. Back 30 years, you would have added a pound to that, but not now. Any chunky crucian is gold these days.
Wild trout - 4lb. I nearly put this at 5lb but, really, wild browns 2lb and over are something else! Stocked trout? Well, sniffy or not, they’re just not for me. Sea trout by the way? Catch a single one and you’ve done well.
Tench - 8lb. Yes, there is Bawburgh and the like where tench less than 10lb don’t get a second look, but given I grew up when the tench national record was 7lb, I still look at an 8lb tench with awe, and always will.
Bream - 10lb. Rather like tench, the bream. They’ve benefited hugely from the rise of the gravel pit and I have actually seen bream of an unbelievable 18lb so I think setting the bar at double figures is harsh but fair!
Rudd - 2lb. Again, like crucians, last century we’d be looking at 3lb, but rudd have suffered badly since then, in large part because of unchecked predation. Do NOT get me onto cormorants!
Barbel and grayling - catch a single one and you can pat yourself on the back. Environment Agency, take note and do something!
Chub - 7lb. Can’t believe this weight when John Wilson and I would have given our back teeth for a five! But then signal crayfish appeared on the menu and the chub waxed fat!
There you go. You’ll agree with some and not others, but catch any of these targets and you’ll have done supremely well. But remember. It’s not what you catch it’s where and how you do it. And of course, any fish, of any size, is a miracle of creation.
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